When it comes to tea, the delicious. team is a mixed bag, falling into three distinct camps: the hardcore brewers who guzzle it by the gallon, the caffeine double-agents who flirt equally with coffee, and the staunch haters who would really prefer to leaf it on the shelf. While this makes a team cafe run a logistical nightmare, it also makes us the ideal hard-to-please crowd for a tea-bag taste test. Why tea bags? Simple: they’re the go-to for busy people. Having worked our way through 21 supermarket mainstays, a few key takeaways emerged: 1.) Tea is a very subjective experience – one person’s perfect pour is another’s poison. 2.) Earl Grey varies vastly – and Earl Grey fans emerged as staunch brand loyalists, with an aversion to bagged options. 3.) Don’t drink 21 cups of tea at 3pm, if you fancy sleeping. Read on for our brew-tally honest review.
When it comes to classic black tea, people know what they like, and tend to stick to it – stubbornly. Brand loyalty is strong, but it also turns out that the type of box a tea bag comes in matters more than you might think – not in terms of aesthetics, but in terms of survival. A flimsy box means faded flavour, while a properly sealed, robust carton keeps those precious bags primed for the ultimate dunk.
‘Quality’ is perhaps a bit of an overstatement, as the team was roundly underwhelmed. With comments ranging from “meh” to “awful”, there was a strong feeling that this bag was a bit out of its depth. 5/10
This one failed to impress, with some claiming it tasted of “nothing”, another calling it “sour” and one picking up fishy notes. Perhaps they’re still having flashbacks to our tuna taste test… 5.5/10
This classic Aussie brew is unlikely to offend anyone, as it’s mild enough to drink all day. This is a tea that cries out for a Milk Arrowroot and a quiet arvo under the Hills Hoist. 6/10
While there was some initial confusion that someone had mistakenly left a box of Tampax on the tea table, once this was cleared up, confusion soon turned to disappointment, as the ‘strong’ claims did not appear to stack up. But this is certainly mellow enough for an everyday cuppa. 7/10
If you needed convincing that we liked this one, may we offer the following comment: “Was sick of tea. Still went back for another sip.” If you had any idea how we were feeling by this stage of the tasting session, you would know that there can be no higher praise. 7.5/10
Want to turn someone onto tea? Give ‘em one of these. Our resident tea loather (who was mostly just there to silently judge everyone) actually quite liked this, and even tried to say something clever about “honeyed notes”. Others (who actually knew what they were talking about) offered more pertinent comments: “Feels like home” said one; “Always on point”, said another. And they didn’t need to add three giant teaspoons of sugar to do so. 8/10
This greatly pleased the potent-tea lovers among us. It was praised for its reliability, strength and subtle fragrance. However, some found it too strong, or too bitter. Are they just extra-timid tea drinkers? Try it, and decide for yourself. 8.5/10
If you thought English Breakfast was the safe, boring option of the tea world, think again. Our panel’s deep-dunk into this section proved that this standard morning blend is a potential minefield of problematic picks. There were the almost-unanimously adored mainstays, yes, but there were also a lot of disappointing performances from tea makers who were maybe just trying a little too hard to stand out from the crowd. ‘Don’t mess with perfection’ is perhaps the key learning here.
When one is considering one’s morning tea choices, “tastes like cardboard” would not be among one’s top priorities. However, this is perhaps more alluring than “tastes like an old person’s house smell”, which was one of the, er, less glowing comments provided. 4.5/10
This caused a rather curious divide. While half found this tea “too strong” and “too bitter”, the other half found it perfectly serviceable. If “does the trick” is good enough for you, this tea is right up your alley. 5/10
While it took us a moment to pacify our outrage over the stupid name, our calm was short-lived once we discovered scant evidence to support the big environmental claims on the box. The earthy taste redeemed it for a few of us, but others disliked it enough to tip it out. “Tastes dirty,” was one observation. Oh Greeny Peeps, this wasn’t your day. 5.5/10
This was a bit of a head-scratcher. While one taster made mention of “insect repellent”, they also called it “yummy”. Make of that what you will. Others found it too strong or too “earthy”, and one found it “boring”. It just goes to show that in this great big teapot we call life, it takes all kinds to keep the kettle boiling. 5.5/10
The vanilla flavour of this tea put a lot of people off, especially as it seemed to come across as more of a herbal tea than a black one. Perhaps Melbourne is best to stick to coffee, after all. 6.5/10
The glowing reviews came in thick and strong, like a tea that’s been left to steep in concrete for several weeks: “A classic.” “Full-bodied.” “My favourite.” All was looking good for Twinings, until out of the bag came one lone taster: “No aroma. No flavour.” There’s just no pleasing some people. 8/10
